After going through a traumatic toxic relationship two years ago, my symptoms got worse. I moved to FL and started to loose interest and motivation to work in IT. I used to live with less and less. Was able to buy myself a gift or spoil myself once in a while but, it was usually check to check, account over drafted, all bills late and at times barely eat. My day usually be like: get up, work, eat lunch, go home, arguments, yelling, stress, stress, rise & repeat. My parents had a few plants and I decided to grow vegetables and plants I haven’t been able to before. For almost two years gardening besides work gave me such an escape from reality.
The hard work and physical exhaustion while sweating hard in the FL humid weather let my mind escape and forget about the past. It was the only thing that I was passionate about. I rarely wanted to play games and work on tech. I had no motivation and my raspberry pi projects were incomplete. I stared them sitting on my desk for months, telling myself I would finish and just end up ignoring them. I got to the point that I had no motivation to do anything I enjoyed and probably was struggling with depression. Now that my mind was able to fully rest and not be in defense 24/7 it was able to finally show all the issues.
Around January 2020 my mind woke up and snapped. I felt like a lizard and removed the old me so the new me can appear again but, going back to how I was in 2011. Just a nerdy dude that worked to get into IT and was so nerdy with computers and video games. I spend a couple of months trying to find a psychologist to help with ADHD since at that point I was finally convinced that was the issue. Every doctor that I found my insurance covered 100% either stopped doing business with my insurance or weren’t taking anymore patients. I was so frustrated because I needed help and I needed something but, couldn’t find a Dr.
I started to feel like at days I couldn’t function right and just wanted to be left alone. I tried to explain to family but, they dint get it at all.In march 2020 due to covid expanding and all places closing, I finally found someone that can have a initial conversation. My insurance offered virtual doctors but, in the past it was quick appointments but, not a psychologist or therapist. They started offering those and I was able to talk one. He started me on wellbutrin100 mg twice a day. He couldn’t prescribe anything else since they weren’t allowed to give controlled substances online. Wellbutrin worked well besides some annoying side effects. I felt like wellbutrin got me there for around 70–80% but, needed some extra help. After more than 6 months I felt like it started to help less and less.